Loose Ends - Kylo Ren/Ben Solo x Fem!Reader

Your lightsaber cut cleanly through the Storm Troopers that stood in your way. You panted as you went to sheath your weapon, wiping sweat off your brow. You had to find a ship and get off this blasted planet. Hopefully some of the Resistance's pilots were still waiting.

"(Y/n)."

You froze. That voice. You would know that voice anywhere, even with the odd distortion. "Ben?" You turned your head, your (e/c) eyes searching the clouds of smoke. A dark hooded figure slowly came towards you, stopping just close enough to be in view. Your heart skipped a beat. "I... I thought..."

"No. I'm very much alive." He was already in your head.

You turned to fully face him, your fingers still clasped tightly around your lightsaber as you shook your head. No one had heard about 'Kylo Ren' since Han Solo's death and Rey and Finn's return with the last part of the map. General Organa was heartbroken but didn't show it. You admired her strength and offered your condolences in hushed whispers at dinner that night.

"He's not dead. He'll come for you." She had said.

Your brow furrowed and you asked her what she meant. "He left you alive for a reason. He killed his father for a reason. Be cautious," was all she said. You knew what she was talking about but refused to believe it. After all, 'Kylo' was thought to have either died or disappeared, retreating with what was left of the First Order.

"Why are you here?" You swallowed back the thick lump in your throat. You didn't want to believe Leia but his appearance only validated what she had said.

"Tying up loose ends. Removing weaknesses. By any means possible." The mask he wore distorted his voice in a way that reminded you of old stories told to scare children about Darth Vader. "Supreme Leader said it was the only way."

Your hand tightened so much around your saber that you thought the grooves in the hilt might pierce your skin. "Why me? Why are you alone?"

He stayed silent for a moment. Then, two gloved hands reached behind the black mask concealing his face and unlocked it with a hiss. He lifted it from his face and you tensed against what felt like a punch to your stomach. An angry red scar split his pale, angular face. His hair was still black as a ravens wing, his eyes almost as dark. He was as stark and beautiful as he had always been, even with the scar that Rey left behind. "I wanted to convince you to join me."

His voice was the same and its sound brought back a flood of memories. Memories of a class of teenagers studying under Master Skywalker. Memories of a shy, pale, black-haired boy being your sparring partner, complimenting you as you caught him off guard. Memories of sitting under the stars and talking about the future and being uncertain, memories of the pale boy kissing you softly and telling you how he cared for you. Memories of that same boy slowly becoming angry and violent, no matter how hard you tried to help him. Memories of the sound of screams a few years later as you watched your school burn to the ground with your classmates inside. An image of the broad shoulders of Ben Solo, the boy who made you late to class that day, as he hurried away and disappeared. 

Your knees almost buckled but you steeled yourself, only allowing your lower lip to tremble. You shook your head, "I can't. You know I can't."

You saw anger flicker across his strong features before he asked softly, "Why not?"

You simply shook your head, "Ben, please." You sheathed your lightsaber and returned it to its holster, holding your hands out in front of you. "This is wrong, what you're doing is wrong. He's manipulating you, using you, you must know that."

He clenched his jaw, "You said you would be by my side no matter what. I thought you cared for me."

Your voice broke and dropped to a whisper, though you knew he could still hear you, "I loved you."

"Do you no longer?"

"Of course I do." You pleaded with him, "Ben, listen to me. It's not too late, you can come back home with me. We can start over, get away from this war, choose neither side!"

His eyes widened, shock flickering across his familiar features. "You would abandon the Force for me?"

You nodded vigorously, "Yes! Yes, all I want is you. But I can't stand for what you're supporting. What you're doing. I can't. I have to fight it. If you'll leave them and come to me, I'll leave too. We can go far away and start a life."

His gloved fingers wound their way around the hilt of his saber and you took a step back.

You cleared your throat and tentatively tried again, "I love you, Ben-"

A familiar high-pitched screech interrupted you as his lightsaber came to life. "Kylo." He growled.

You felt as if your heart had dropped into the pit of your stomach. Tears welled as your chest tightened, "Please. Don't do this." You whispered.

Ben Solo kept his face expressionless, but you had learned how to read his eyes. So many conflicting emotions swirled in those dark eyes. Anguish, confusion, anger, indictment, betrayal, and... Adoration, love, regret, remorse, relief. You couldn't keep up. You felt so sorry for the man standing in front of you.

"I'm sorry." You nearly shouted it, surprising yourself with how powerful your voice sounded. "I want to help you out of the cloud of confusion that surrounds you and skews your judgement. But I can't do that if you won't let me. You are not Kylo Ren. You are Ben Solo, Han Solo and Leia Organa's son. Apprentice of Luke Skywalker. The first and last man I ever loved."

You could feel the internal war raging inside of him. His hands shook and his face twitched. His jaw clenched, "I have to do this. I have to master the dark side. It's the only way I can become powerful."

You took a deep breath and felt all emotion abandon you. You felt numb, empty, as you reequipped your saber and brought it searing to life, the bright green glow illuminating the cloudy air around you. "This is not the way. Ben, I can't let you do this. Let me pass."

His face remained carefully blank, "I can't allow that."

You nodded. In that moment, you closed the part of you that loved him into a dark corner of your mind and locked it away. This is not the same boy you fell in love with, the boy that shyly confessed his feelings and awkwardly introduced you to his mother. This is a ghost of that man, a husk that was now filled with turmoil and anger, the likes of which you didn't understand. You carefully gripped the hilt of your saber with both hands and raised it, crouching into a fighting stance. "I need you to let me pass." Your voice sounded hollow and cold, even to you.

Kylo flinched as if you had slapped him. A snarl twisted his beautiful face and he rose his own saber, crouching into a sloppy stance. The red glow from his saber cast shadows across his face, enhancing his gaunt cheeks and bags under his eyes that illuminated the countless sleepless nights he had encountered. He charged for you with an angry roar.

You blocked his attack, gritting your teeth as the high pitched scream of sabers clashing pierced the silent air. You hunched and rolled underneath his arm but weren't fast enough to get a strike on him. As he blocked your attack and sneered, you wondered if you had missed him intentionally. You shook your head and pressed back against him, trying to shake him off. He reared back for another lunge, which you narrowly dodged. Sabers clashed and sparks flew from each connection. The smoke clouds were still so thick that the only light was coming from the red and green sabers.

His black robes billowed out with every quick thrust and attack. He was breathing heavily, his face continuously flickering between anger and fear, pleading and murderous. For a moment, you could almost pretend that you were those two Jedi apprentices, sparring in the training room with wooden sticks. Almost.

He brought his bright red saber in a forceful downward stroke with an enraged scream. You barely brought your own saber up to block it from lodging into your shoulder in time.

"Join me!" He bellowed above the screeching noise of battling sabers. His face was so close, his dark eyes searching yours for.. something.

Tears welled in your eyes and you silently shook your head, shoving him away with a grunt. He stumbled back a little bit and you took the opportunity to turn and run. In the midst of battle, you had managed to turn so your back was facing the direction that you intended to escape from. You couldn't do this, couldn't kill him, couldn't murder Leia's son and return for duty. You ran as fast as your legs would allow you, your lungs starting to burn. You hurriedly holstered your saber and fought your way through the brush, branches scratching your face and catching in your (h/c) hair. You cursed a few times as you lost yourself in this dense forest. At least the smoke clouds had cleared a little bit. You paused and listened carefully for any sign of pursuit, trying to quiet your heavy breaths.

A cold hand closed around your ankle and yanked you backwards. Your chin cracked off something hard as you tumbled, causing you to bite your tongue. You cried out and clawed for anything to grab a hold of as the force dragged you backwards. Rough bark tore at your hands as you desperately tried to grasp hold of something. Blood filled your mouth, you coughed and sputtered. Suddenly, you were released. You carefully raised your head, but before you could move, you were flipped over. Kylo was standing above you, his saber pointed directly at your neck.

"You tried to run. Why not kill me?" He hissed.

You closed your eyes and whispered, "I can't. I love you. I will always love you." You opened your (e/c) eyes and stared up at him. "You can be saved."

He snarled, his shoulders shaking in anger, "No. It's too late."

You shook your head, "It's never too late."

His chest rose and fell quickly, the air around you felt alive with electricity.

"Put it down, Ben." You whispered, slowly propping yourself up on one elbow, one hand outstretched toward him.

He merely looked enraged, "Why?!" He screamed. "Why would you love me?"

You had slowly managed to reach your hand close enough to him so your fingertips brushed against the back of his gloved hand. You took a deep breath and focused the force on his head, pushing ever so gently. You had to get inside his head.

He felt it. His eyes narrowed, "What are you doing?"

"You have to see," You grunted, forcing the memories of his mother crying softly to herself, the conversations about her young Ben, forcing it all into his head. "Please, see it. Feel it."

The shriek of a sheathing lightsaber echoed as he gripped his head and fell to his knees. "Stop it."

"You need to see it. All of it." You spoke sternly, closing your eyes as you pushed a little harder. Nights alone in your room, cradling your head in your hands, nightmares of flames engulfing him, of him killing you, sleepless, horrible nights.

His breathing grew ragged. You heard shuffling and two warm, large hands gripped your shoulders. Your eyes flew open. Ben's face was so close that his breath ghosted across your cheek. His brown eyes were shining with tears. "Stop."

You tentatively brought your hand up to touch his face, your thumb brushing away the tears. "Ben? Do you love me?"

He nodded.

You felt a rush of relief was over you. A sad smile crossed your face as you sat up and cupped his face in your hands. "I love you. I'm sorry."

He sucked in a shaky breath and his brow furrowed, "What?"

You squeezed your eyes shut and furrowed your brow, focusing all of your being into the force. You could feel it pushing against Ben as his hands flew to grip your wrists, trying to pry you off of him. You grit your teeth, tears rolling down your face as you pushed harder. The only way to save him was to get him back to the Resistance base, and you knew he wouldn't go willingly.

He groaned in pain, his fingernails digging painfully into your arm as he slipped into unconsciousness. As soon as you felt his force fade, you released him, freeing his face as he slumped into you. You wound your arms around him and sobbed, guilt seeping into your mind like a disease. "I can't lose you a second time." You wailed, not caring if he heard you or not. Your fingers caressed his raven hair as you hugged him tightly. "Ben, I need you."

A few minutes passed as you calmed yourself down. Deep breaths. We need to leave, now. You swallowed thickly and laid him on his stomach, ripping a piece of fabric off your tunic and one off his robes to blindfold him and tie his hands behind him. You picked up his saber and tucked it safely into an empty belt loop.

You glanced cautiously around and took your comlink out of your pocket, speaking clearly into it, "This is (L/n), I need evacuation immediately. Comlink will stay active, locate and evacuate. Tell General Organa..." You glanced at the unconscious Knight of Ren. "...I have her son."